[muffled rap cover of god only knows in the distance]

 

iplaylikecarl:

kissesforyourlovin:

skwinky:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I always need this on my blog.

I read this in Bobs/Archers voice by accident. It was very nice. I enjoyed it.

I have to thank kissesforyourlovin for that suggestion because I read this post the first time aWHILE ago and I was just gonna scroll past this until I saw that and my god this is pure GOLD

iplaylikecarl:

kissesforyourlovin:

skwinky:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

I read this in Bobs/Archers voice by accident. It was very nice. I enjoyed it.

I have to thank kissesforyourlovin for that suggestion because I read this post the first time aWHILE ago and I was just gonna scroll past this until I saw that and my god this is pure GOLD

mackllewhore:

its a metaphor, you see. you place your cursor right upon the killing thing, but you dont actually click on it.

mackllewhore:

its a metaphor, you see. you place your cursor right upon the killing thing, but you dont actually click on it.

Kill la Kill is an amazing anime because the animation can go from

to

In the span of a single episode.

Played 743,657 times

badcocaine:

loveandlifeare2uneasythings:

patronsaintoffirebenders:

thesouffleegirl:

groundchele:

Gangnam Style (Glee Cast Version) [HALF SPEED]

it sounds like demons at a strip bar and you walk in because demons took you capture and they need to take u too their boss but the boss is at a strip bar and you walk in and everythings in slow mo and theres hot demons pole dancing and you look around and theres gross demons shouting and throwing money and off to the side with a cigar is a big demon guy with a suit whispering something to a waitress and you look at them and they glare at you and then at your handcuffs

#i thought that description was an exaggeration #but no#that’s the perfect description for this

wtf it literally is exactly a perfect onpoint description you dont understand please press play this is now my jam in hell

That is what it is. No question about. That description is just spot on. 

Shit I didn’t actually think the description would fit so well I am crying

(Source: barackobamastan)

portalgifs:

NO BUT YOU ALL NEED TO UNDERSTAND HOW FUNNY THIS IS THEYRE LITERALLY FILLING A ROBOT WITH BULLETS, LIKE BULLETS THAT YOU FIRE FROM A GUN. NOW NORMALLY FIRING A GUN TRIGGERS THE BULLET TO EXPLODE CREATING A PRESSURE THAT CAUSES THE TIP OF THE BULLET TO BE FORCED OUT OF THE BARREL AT A HIGH SPEED. 

WHaT CAVE JOHNSON’S TURRET’S DO IS LOAD A TON OF FUCKING BULLETS INTO THE CASE OF THE SENTRY LIKE IT”S A GODDAMN GUMBALL MACHINE AND THEN USE A FUcKIN SPRING LOADED PISTON TO FIRE IT THAT IS SO UNNECESSARY AND INEFFECTIVE LIKE NO WONDER CHELL CAN RESIST SO MANY BULLETS THE LIKELIHOOD ITD CAUSE ANYTHING MORE THAN A BAD BRUISE IS LIKE ONE IN A HUNDRED

(Source: bustedbitmap)

fargreencountryswiftsunrise:

fallenwithstyle:

deductionhunters:

theskeletonsareafterme:

zelamish:

wunderbrot:

the buugeng is a type of s-staff.
to the best of my knowledge, it is used to engage in geometric visual warfare

Accurate.

GEOMETRIC VISUAL WARFARE.

No but can you imagine how distracting and disconcerting it’d be to go up against someone with a weapon like that
You wouldn’t know where the fuck to look and you’d only figure out which part to focus on when it’s buried in your gut



A+ gif usage.

fargreencountryswiftsunrise:

fallenwithstyle:

deductionhunters:

theskeletonsareafterme:

zelamish:

wunderbrot:

the buugeng is a type of s-staff.

to the best of my knowledge, it is used to engage in geometric visual warfare

Accurate.

GEOMETRIC VISUAL WARFARE.

No but can you imagine how distracting and disconcerting it’d be to go up against someone with a weapon like that

You wouldn’t know where the fuck to look and you’d only figure out which part to focus on when it’s buried in your gut

A+ gif usage.

brook:

bajabbers:

okay so i recently got into JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (watched the first episode of Stardust Crusaders yesterday) but i wanna know exactly how far ahead of this the manga is

image

marsonlee:

leafmotif:

arabellesicardi:

reichsstadt:

You guys should see the film Tampopo if you’re interested in

  • Japan and Japanese cinema
  • Food
  • Commodity fetishism and the erotic dimensions of commodities
  • Food (!)
  • Postmodernism
  • Absurd ironic comedy

excuse me 

sir

HAHAHAHA

Yes, this film is prefect. I’ve seen it way too many times, go watch it now. 

Here

It’s a really weird movie but it’s funny and unique I highly recommend it.

hohoholdthefuckupson:

silenthill:

*puts my bro’s dick in my hand*

see, its a metaphor. it’s only gay if i jack it

See, I never jacked it, only put in in the middle of my hand. It can turn me gay but I’m not giving it the power to. A metaphor.